Ways to survive moving home with your parents

1. Drink! heavily. Pot is so college. Get a real man’s vice.

2. Eat! A lot. Food is comforting. You’ll feel a lot better about not having a job with pint of ice cream.
3. Watch movies. You may be tempted to goto the gym and get in shape, but you need time to think. Upgrade your account and remain sedentary.
4. Meet locals. Don’t branch out. This is where you’re from. Find comfort in the amount of weight the football team gained while you were at college learning.
5. Go looking for younger women. People with jobs date their age. Hang out in your old high school’s parking lot and poach those 17 year olds.
6. Start a cover band. Your creative fuse has burned out. Start learning Stone Temple Pilot covers.
7. Rediscover your love for pornography.
8. Change goals. Start training for an arctic trek, or start your dance career. Do something that will not yield immediate results.
9. Smoke Pot. Ignore what I said above. Hang out with the local teens and smoke pot all day. This will distract you from any pressing “real world” problems.
10. Reality Television.

Illuminati Reveals Itself and Confesses to Master Plan

On Wednesday morning, Ali Fedotowski, star of the Bachelorette, spoke on behalf of the Illuminati at a private press conference in New Jersey. Fedotowski said, “Yes, the illuminati is real, it has always been real. There have been many phases in the groups’ plans to control power on the global level. Our latest endeavor, The Bachelorette, has been so successful, we have decided to come public.” She continued, “The goal of the illuminati has been to control the will of the people through a small narrow channel of activity. Most of our attempts have failed in the past, but for the first time, with the Bachelorette, which you can see on ABC weekly, we have succeeded in controlling the feeble, nearly retarded brains of the American people.” The press went into a frenzy and reeled question after question at the young mastermind.

“Is the Bachelor also associated with the illuminati?”

“What other reality television programs are associated with the illuminati?”

“I know that Hal is handsome, but Dave has eyes that are to die for, what does the illuminati think? Steve also has a great sense of humor, what will you do?”
Fedotowski closed by stating that if The Bachelorette reaches a 7th season, 70% of world leaders have agreed to draft a resolution for the creation of a New World Order. When asked for comment, Kim Jong Il of North Korea said simply, “I am really rooting for Dave, but I can understand if she goes with Chris.”

Zac Efron was not available for comment.


The chairman of the Federal Reserve, Ben S. Bernanke, warned on Wednesday that “thefederal budget appears to be on an unsustainable path,” but also recognized that the “exceptional increase” in the deficit had been necessary to ease therecession.”

We are headed for hell in a wastebasket

all eyes are on Zac Efron to find out how he will wear his hair next and whether or not he can, in fact, save the country.

In Cheesecakes they trust

Pagan Rituals

You like that bible verse huh?
Does it get you, excited?
What about gasoline?
I love you.