ASK A JOZNEY

Dear @woejozney,
Do you believe that puppies can think like people? Like do they know English? Do they know what’s going on around them? My puppy knows his name, but sometimes I wonder if he really loves me like I love him. What do you think?
Derrick, 13

 

Well Derrick, I have performed a series of scientific experiments in order to determine what dogs think. Yes, I have masturbated in front of a dog. I have also masturbated in front of a kitten. Neither seemed to mind. I have kicked both a dog and a cat and I feel that the dog was upset. It was not my dog so I did not mind. Dogs like to whine a lot which reminds me of that one bitch I dated last year, God I hated her. Anyways, have you masturbated in front of your dog? If so, do it a couple of times and chart it on a graphing calculator. I recommend the TI-83. You might need it if you go to college someday, but I don’t know if you’re smart or anything. Anyways I forgot what the question is and I’m late for a hair appointment. I hope I was helpful.

Laters,

@woejozney

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