Charlie Sheen in 2012

No- not for president, but he’s not trending on Twitter anymore. Things may be headed in the wrong direction, unless he hires me as his intern, but I’m truthfully only in it for the 18 year old girls anyways. So Charlie, where will you be in a year?

Reality Show– Charlie Sheen moves in with his dad and slowly drinks himself to death with Mike’s Hard Lemonades. Highlights include Charlie and Martin sitting down on the couch to watch Apocalypse Now. “This, my son, is acting. Could you take out the trash when you have a minute? And for god sakes could you close the fucking fridge when you’re done using it?”

Dancing with the Stars– You’re the Tom Delay of Hollywood Charlie- you can do it. We believe in you.

I’m Still Here Volume II: Sheen Machine– It’s never too late to gain 30 pounds and let the less talented (as if any of them are) Affleck make a mockumentary about you.

Governor of California– Mix a little bit of rehab, a dash of born again Christianity, one memoir… say hello to the new Governor.

Viral Vidz– We all wondered where you went and why you stopped updating your Twitter. One year later, it all made sense. I’m thinking something along the lines of Charlie piss ass drunk trying not to pass out into his bowl of spaghetti. “Tigerblood yall, tigerbloo…tiger…” *****VOMITING***** into the spaghetti and then falling asleep in the spaghetti. 10 million hits later we go back to watching k$sha videos.

Tiger Blood Raspberry Vodka by Charlie Sheen– You know it’s good because it’s red and has a tiger on the bottle. The most sustainable and feasible of these options so it’s probably the most unlikely.

We are all (according to Twitter) laughing with you, but if you want us to keep paying attention please make us laugh at you.

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