Journey of an Analog Woe, Day 1

In an effort to cleanse my soul, colon, and car trunk- I decided to give up the internet last week. A week without the internet, what could possibly happen? So it begins, a week without the internet.

Day 1:
7:30am- Woke up, smoked a cigarette, brushed my teeth. Walked over to the laptop and started to open it up. Realized what I was doing- NO YOU WILL NOT! Snapped that shit shut. Realized I didn’t have to be at work till 9am and I can’t troll the internet for an hour so I’m going back to sleep.

8:30am- Woke up again, heading out the door started checking Face-FUCK! Don’t do it. Stay calm, walk out the door. Okay, It’s going to be all right.

9:30am- I explained to my boss that I can’t use the internet, he set me up with a job in the store room counting popsicle sticks. I wonder if there’s any good new videos on FunnyOrDie… No, stop wondering. Fuck. Going to count Popsicle sticks….

1:00pm- Threethousandandfour, threethousandfive, threethousandsix, threethousandFUCK. What number was I on? Oh shit, I’m going to be in big trouble. I wonder if I could sneak out and get my laptop. I just want to check my email once, maybe there’s a coupon for sushi from groupon, I could really use some sushi. Wait, fuck, Threethousandand….eight. That’s right. Okay, back to counting. I wonder what Charlie Sheen tweeted today.

3:00pm- Eightthousandandnine

5:00pm- Thirteenthousandandtwohundredtwentysix.

5:30pm- Home from work. Man am I tired from a long day of popsicle counting. I’m glad I didn’t lose it. I really want to blog about this, but instead, I must write this down old-person style. I don’t even own any pens, I threw them all away when I got my iPad. How the fuck am I supposed to write this down? Oh well, going to the pen store.

7:00pm- Got a sweet pen, started writing on some toilet paper but now my hand hurts. I used to use these things (pens) all the time in school, why is it so fucking hard now? My girlfriend has been on Tumblr like all day. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Read a book? I’m fucking jealous. It’s not like I can go back in a week and catch up on all these links. Why the fuck did I decide to do this? God dammit. I don’t even have cable. I’m gonna go clean or something.

9:00pm- Well, I’m fucking bored. There’s nothing to do and I’m tired of reading or cleaning or whatever. Taking some nyquil and going to bed. Maybe tomorrow will go better. I wonder what AndrewWK tweeted today… shit, I’ll never know.

#bestrong

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