Q&A with the youth of today

So we all know that children are the future n shit, so I thought I’d reach out and lend my thoughts to a few curious youths. This sounds like a great idea.

I get in trouble at school for cursing all the time. Sometimes I just can’t help myself. I promise I’m a good kid, I just like to say “n’ shit” a lot. Like I’m all like “I don’t wanna do my homework n’ shit.” Is something wrong with me? Jared age 11

Study hard to make good grades Jared. Then you can say “fuck” and “shit” as much as you want. If your old-ass teacher gives you shit, just point to your test scores and say “fuck off.”

What’s the right age to start smoking pot? Chris age 13

14 my good boy. Not 13, not 15, but 14.

My parents won’t let me watch R rated movies and I’m 15 years old. That is so lame!!!! WhAt ShOuLd I Doooo???  Rebecca age 15

Your parents are stupid because they’re old. Always remember that. If you tell them that enough, they’ll get tired and give in. No matter what the problem is, just be obnoxious and make them feel bad.  When you turn 21 make sure and foster a loving relationship with them. Till then you know what to do.

I’m 14 and think I might be gay. The kids at school call me faggot and queer sometimes. What should I do? Jon age 16

Find the biggest one and approach him casually. Punch him as hard as you can in the throat. Say, “what now bitch?”

I got a B in my math class and now I’m worried I won’t get into college and then law school and then become the first female president of the United States. Cassy age 8.

It breaks my heart to tell you that Sarah Palin will probably become the first female president of the United States. She will bring on the apocalypse and carry all the Christians up to heaven to be with Jesus. That will probably happen before you get to high school, so don’t worry about it. Just start praying.

My friends at school smoke cigarettes behind the track sometimes. They say that smoking wid cigarettes is cool? Are they cool? Should I do it? Doug age 11

Yes, cigarettes are cool. No, you should not do it.

Does my life have meaning? I watched this Steven Hawkins documentary in my science class and I just feel like the universe is completely empty now. I’m depressed. Is there a point in living?

No, but don’t worry about it.

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