Where am I? Have you seen my kid? #mommyblogging

Day ?: Ummm, I’m not sure what day it is, but I’m checking in anyways. I’ve had a weird couple of days. I was at Subway munching down on a meatball footlong when a couple of Russians approached me. They kept insisting that I was their friend named Ivan, but I don’t even speak Russian! We got to talking about how much we love meatballs and so I was like, “why don’t you bros come over to the pad and we can chill, maybe play a game.” The Russians loved the idea. I had Scrabble in mind, but they insisted I play their game called Black Hole. Black Hole is pretty sweet. You get 2 bottles of vodka for each player. Then you black out all the windows and turn off the lights. Everyone climbs in and whenever the vodka finally runs out, you make bets on what day it is. The winner gets to go the mall and everyone buys them a present. We just climbed out of the hole a few hours ago and we’re trying to figure out what day it is.

I can’t find baby Ackbar and my girlfriend is missing. Hopefully she remembered to feed him and clean his poop up and all that. I’m usually a fairly responsible mother, I try not to have more than 9 glasses of wine a night, but those fucking Russians. I have never dived that far down into the alcoholic darkness. I’m not gonna say it wasn’t fun, it was really fun. You’d be surprised what 4 people do in the darkness after 4 days of consuming only vodka. It’s a liberating experience. Anyways, I need to get back to #mommyblogging, so if you’ve seen my kid or my girlfriend with my kid, let me know. I’m gonna drink some nyquil and take a 2 day nap, but I’ll be back soon. I promise.

SHLATER

#mommyblogger

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