Mommy Blog Day 1!!!!

Life’s been tough here at the blog.  We’ve been trying to expand our content into new areas, but our writing staff has been on a bath salt binge.  Our posts have been lacking in quality and we’ve suffered significant blows to the amount of traffic we’ve been receiving.  In an effort to save the shape of junk to come, I am converting the blog to a mom blog.  I know- I know.  I’m not a mother or whatever, but mom blogs are in.  I read some articles about social media and what people want- it’s all about the mom blogs.  Since I do not have a vajayjay, I cannot birth a child of my own. To make matters more difficult, my girlfriend is not as enthusiastic as I would hope about getting pregnant for the sake of my blog.  Despite all this, I managed to secure a small child for a reasonable price.  Don’t ask don’t tell folks.  So I’ve got this kid, it’s a boy.  Now it’s time to be a mommy blogger.  Where do I start?

Day 1: Here I am, mommy blogging.  Got my laptop, my brain, and this thing- or rather child.  I guess I should name it.  Kids have names.  Moms know that kind of stuff.  I guess I’m already becoming a mom- this is really exciting.  I can’t wait to share this journey I’m taking with moms all over the internet.  I’m thinking of crowd-sourcing (social media buzz yall) the child’s name.  What do you guys think?

@woejozney: name my child!  new #mommyblogger contest!  winner gets a t-shirt with a picture of my child on it! itz a boi!

2 hours later this social media brainstorming session is really kicking into high gear.  Thus far for name ideas I have:

Rex, Maxamillion, Seth, Joel, Steven, Topher, Zach, Fredrick, Matt, and a bunch of other names I don’t really like.

Well shit, what do I name him?  I guess I don’t really need to name him yet, I’ll wait till I get more retweets.  I kinda like just calling him “kid.”  Kid won’t stop crying, what do I do?  He needs milk I guess.  What kind of milk do babies drink?  2%?  Skim?  God- I wish I was a better mother.  I can’t wait to become a better mother and share that experience with the world.  I really do want to be a good mom.  Do I need to download some e-books?  Would that help?  I need a drink, this whole being a mom thing is really stressing me out.  Moms drink, right?  But what do moms drink?  That is the question!  I guess I should start drinking wine.  No more Lonestar Tall Boys for me, I’m a mother.  I’m going to drink white wine and meet other moms at the gym and we’ll go out for drinks on Friday afternoons and talk about our kids and what happened on Dancing With the Stars last night.  Being a mom blogger is awesome!  Fuck– this kid is still crying!  What the fuck do I need to do to make it shut up?  I need a glass of wine.

Laters,

Your new mommy blogger!

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