Brief Notes On Cool

-Smoking Cigarettes: Smoking can be really cool, but sometimes people will try to tell you it’s not.  There are a lot of grownups in the world who work in cubicles who may make you feel alienated as a smoker.  They’re probably not cool so you should ignore them and take lots of smoke breaks.  When you get old, like really old, smoking isn’t cool any more.  But then again most old people aren’t very cool.

-Film Knowledge: You should always watch more films than your friends.  No matter what director your friends may want to discuss, make sure to keep another director in mind so you can say “Well, I mean he’s okay, but he’s no [insert other director].”

-Music: Know that you have exceptional taste, but don’t be a dick about it.

-Apathy: People who really care about things are typically annoying.  Make sure your interest in anything is very remote and fleeting.  NEVER start a petition.

-Social Media: It wasn’t cool, but then it was, but then it’s like “would Ernest Hemingway have a twitter?”  But nowadays I guess it’s okay.

-Drinking: Make sure you drink a lot, but don’t be too sloppy (definitions of too sloppy may vary).  As long as you can still follow all the above rules, you should be good to go.

-Other Cool People: Most people are reasonably cool, and you should be friends with them.  Every once in a while someone who believes he/she is cooler than you will come around.  You should always react aggressively.  This town’s only big enough for one sheriff.  If you are out-cooled, you should give up hope and wear pleated pants until years later, you decide to venture back into the world of being cool but then realize you’re way too old and there’s no point.   You should then turn on BRAVO and keep eating cookies.

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