Letters From Myself In The Future

Hey You,

It’s me/you but in the future.  I’m/you’re 40 years old.  I know you think about the world a lot.  I figured you’d appreciate this gesture.  18 years is a lot of time cover so I can’t touch on everything.  I’ll just run over a few key points. Here in the future:

– The new Google Chrome is really neat.  It’s basically a really hot holographic secretary.  She always smells good and does a really good job making sure all your friends get your e-vites and show up to all your shows.  Speaking of shows, your bands get worse and worse as time goes on but you get more content with mediocrity so it’s all good.

– Petroleum is old news.  We finally overcame our dependance on fossil fuels.  BP came up with a way to harvest poor people’s bones for energy.  Haiti’s population alone is expected to power the United States for the next 50 years.

– You work in a dream harvesting factory.  It’s still boring and you still feel like glorified tech support, but the fact that all future-advertisements are harvested dreams is pretty weird and cool.

– Netflix has every movie ever on it.  It’s about fucking time.

– Cars still don’t fly, but they do have better GPS voices to choose from.

– There is a New World Order.  It’s not as bad as everything thinks.  You still live more comfortably than a large percent of the world’s population.  Can you believe like 97% of people still don’t have Netflix?  Do they even care about film?

– Porn is 4-D.  It’s really hard to explain, but don’t worry we’re really into it.

– You don’t write anymore.  The emotional intelligence of computers will evolve very rapidly in the next 10 years. The machines come up with every suitable combination of words.  You will write a novel you deem worthwhile but a computer will write it simultaneously and publish it a week before you try to- you’ll quit forever.

It’s not so bad after all.  I’ve gotta run, I’m going to see Twilight 27: Vampires on Mars with the old lady.  Oh, before I forget, I really like your blog.  It’s nice to read it again, I used to be so silly.  Takes me back. 

Take care,

You in the future

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