The Jesuses’ Christmas List

To celebrate their birthday this year, we had all the Jesuses write down what they wanted.

Boss Jesus: new set of flash drives, steely dan box set, insoles

Progressive Jesus: to be able to grow a soul patch, start a rock band, and for us all to be “down with christ love, right bros?”

Depressed Jesus: to get drunk, take an ambien, and cry himself to sleep

Distracted Jesus: that thing with the… uh…

Black Jesus: imported goat cheese, new kicks, some tony morrison books

Drunk Jesus: 3-4 palletes of miller high life, complete series of spongebob squarepants on dvd

Closet Case Jesus: twilight on dvd, gift card to williams sonoma, new dolce gabbana cologne

Flow Chart Jesus: upgrade to excel 2010

Fundamentalist Jesus: for all the muslims to just go away

Regular Jesus: for us all to realize his message was only love, and for us all to be kind to eachother

It Jesus: complete series of lost on dvd, new touchscreen laptop

Gay Jesus: a boyfriend who’s strong and smart and doesn’t mind watching mythbuster dvds

Cheesus: to be ressurected only so his friends can continue to experience pure joy by consuming his gooey and delicious flesh

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