300 Years Ago

The pilgrims played the first game of tackle football with the American Indians. They were upset because the natives were so much better on the field so they didn’t share the beer with them. The natives, in response, decided not to share their recipe for pumpkin pie and instead told them about corn, which is not as good as pumpkin pie.

Differences aside, they all ate the corn together and everything was cool until a pilgrim was taking a leak in the forest. He saw the natives preparing their own festival with their own beer and pumpkin pie. He ran back to the corn eating session and told his friends and they were pissed and had guns. The white folk decided to decimate the native population and 300 years later, we still sit use Thanksgiving to stand under the sun waiting for the great turkey to come down from the sky and tell us that there is no god- only him, and he fucking hates football.

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