Sexual Harassment for Begginers

A: Hello and welcome to the second half of your human resource orientation seminar.  I’m A, and I’ll be your trainer for the remainder of the day.  I hope you enjoyed the delicious donuts we brought- it’s the only thing we ever eat around here.  I can tell a few of you did enjoy them, if you catch my drift.  Not to call anyone out but, the girl in the back looks like she doesn’t mind donuts.  Kidding!  Ladies and gentlemen, what you have just witnessed is harassment. Woman in the back, can you give me a formal definition of harassment?

B: Uh… I’m not sure… I kinda feel… Uhhh… I don’t know.

A: Oh, it’s alright, I’m sure your blood sugar is just leveling out… Harassment again!  I’m just trying to make a point here, harassment happens all the time in the workplace.  Some people might think making fun of fat people isn’t harassment.  Harassment just means making someone feel uncomfortable in the workplace based on their association to a certain group.  If I joke about how an indian person can’t speak English, or that a woman can’t add or subtract, that’s harassment.  Can anyone tell me another type of harassment that goes on in the workplace?  You, the black guy, just kidding, I’m done with the harassment, but I’m pretty sure referring to you as the black guy isn’t really racist… Black is PC nowadays.  Anyways, black guy?

C:  Umm… sexual harassment?

A: Correct!  Sexual harassment comes in many different forms.  There is form number one where a coworker makes another coworker feel uncomfortable indirectly.  You, attractive young asian girl in the 2nd row, do you mind coming up here for a minute so that we can act out a little scenario?

D: Sure

A: We’re gonna demonstrate some basic scenarios which may or may not be questionable.  Black guy, you’re gonna tell us if they make you feel uncomfortable or not, which would make it harassment.  You down with that my black friend?

C: Uh, I guess.  My name is Darryl, don’t we have name tags for a reason?

A: That’s not important right now.  Come on up here mam.  Okay, so my coworker and I just got out of a meeting and we’re shooting the stuff, just hangin’. I ask her, what’d you do this weekend?  Did you have fun?  And you say…

D: Well my boyfriend and I redecorated our living room and we went out to dinner and a movie it was really nice.

A: Oh that’s really cool.  Now, Black guy… I mean Darryl, do you sense any sexual harassment goin’ down here?

C: Sounds okay to me thus far.

A: Exactly, we’re just two coworkers hanging out having a good clean time.  Now, let’s say I continue the conversation by saying, oh well that’s cool, this weekend my wife and I were having a lovely night at home watching Eat Pray Love and you know, we’re drinking wine, eating chocalate, and she starts rubbing my foot with hers and she leans over and licks my ear.  Darryl, Is this sexual harassment?

C: Well, it’s kinda weird, but I don’t know if it’s sexual harassment.

A: Okay, so I go on, well, after she licks my ear she whispers that tonight she wants to be a dirty girl, she wants me to tie a belt around her and ride her like a horse.  She calls me cowboy and grips the inside of my leg…

D: Excuse me, is this necessary?

A: Don’t worry, this is all part of the process.  I’m not finished with the example yet.  So I’m telling this young asian woman about the things my wife is telling me and I ask her in a very business tone, have you ever done any sort of pseudo-animal role play kinda stuff?  I know you’re chinese or whatever but…

D: I feel sort of uncomfortable answering…

A: This is a workshop on harassment!  You’re gonna feel a lot more uncomfortable when your boss takes advantage of you in the copy room because you didn’t know the signs to look out for because you didn’t let me finish this exercise.  Now, I repeat, have you ever done any sort of pseudo-animal role play kinda stuff?

D: No… I haven’t

A:  What’s the dirtiest thing you’ve ever done?  Three way?  Anal? Role Reversal?

D: (starts crying) I’m not okay with this.  I don’t think this is appropriate.

A: Look I’m trying to teach this seminar and we have a lot of stuff to cover today, so just answer the fucking question so we can move on the second type of sexual harassment and get on to the part of the day where we talk about benifits.  Jesus Fucking Christ.  I repeat…Anal?  Role reversal?

D: (sobbing uncontrollably)  I don’t know…  I can’t… I just want to…

A: Answer the fucking question!

D: OKAY I STICK MY FINGERS IN MY BOYFRIENDS BUTT WHEN I SUCK HIS DICK SOMETIMES… ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?  FUCKING ASSHOLE.  I NEED TO GO.  (runs out of the room)

A: Okay, Darryl, did that make you feel uncomfortable?

C: Yes, I would say so.

A: Exactly class.  What you just witnessed was sexual harassment.  Her talking about sticking her finger in her boyfriend’s butt made everyone feel uncomfortable.  Allright moving on….

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