This week in the news

Austin, TX

Dude got lesbian friend to make out with him after discussing his love Edward Sharpe in depth.  They broke apart the love fest when she realized it was her love for music and not her love for male flesh that compelled her to do so.  According to sources the male involved posted a tumblr post combining the lyrics of an Edward Sharpe song with a picture of her.  Other sources said she follows him and probrably saw it.  Other other sources are on the scene to assess the impact.

Atlanta, Georgia

After seeing 5 facebook posts about the recent gruesome suicides linked to bullying of homosexuals Dan Shapiro, a dude who bullies homosexuals on a regular basis, felt kind of bad for his actions.  He posted on his livejournal that no one reads about how he feels bad and then proceeded to photoshop a picture of characters from Glee kissing horses, because his friends think it”s funny.  He is apparently over the whole thing and will be drinking at Joe’s Tavern this Thursday for the Thirsty Thursday mojito special.

New York City, New York

Actor Steve Stix did not land his part as chorus member of Glee: The Musical: Unleashed. Sources say he was banking on the part and will probably fall off his new diet routine.  Steve offered to comment, but the tears were too much.

Brooklyn, New York

Poet argued that social media is useless with an advertising agent from Viacom.  He said Rimbaud didn’t need social media.  The poet got upset and and ordered drinks till his card was denied and he snuck onto a subway.  Poet wrote a poem about corporate America.  The poet drank himself to sleep and deleted the poem the next morning.

Nashville, Tennessee

Unknown singer-songwriter mentioned cocaine, having less than the required rent, and true love in a song.  He then covered a Townes Van Zandt song at a local sandwich shop and was awarded a sandwich.  He ate the sandwich and asked if he get some extra pickles to go.  He’s going through some hard times.

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