Job Seekers

Although I haven’t received any resumes, twitter postbacks show some general interest in serving hot dogs for me.  I’m gonna even out the playing field and give you some of the interview questions in advance.

-Have you ever been convincted of a felony?  If no, have you ever commited one and gotten away with it?  If no, how often do you think about committing felonies.

-What sources do you get your horoscopes from?  Can you email them to me when you get home?

-Top 5 sexual encounters, Go.

-You are on a raft- your best friend and your lover are simultaneously drowning.  Which one do you save and why?

-Top 5 people who are currently dead that you would bang when they were in their heyday.

-Have you ever practiced witchcraft in the state of Nevada?

-Do you smoke?  (cigarettes, ganja, meth, pole, etc)

-Do you feel comfortable working with people from other races in the same office?  If not, what ethnicities make you feel uncomfortable?  Why?  Is it the smell?  The food?  The music?

-What do you consider sexual discrimination?  What are your boundaries?

-What’s cool with you? (like 10 being lock me up and send me to prison for a while, 1 being like boring day at the office, and 3 being like we’re starting to vibe- maybe some deep eye contact, you’re laughing at my jokes and you tell me you like my tie and I touch you on the arm when I ask if you want to get drinks, but you say yes, so it’s a 3, right?)

-Do you ever have dreams in which you make love to a person of the same sex?  (for heterosexuals) Do you ever have dreams in which you make love with a person of the opposite sex? (for homosexuals)

-Did you write down those dreams in a journal?  Is it legible?  Can you fax them to our office?  You don’t have a fax?  Who does these days?  Do you have a scanner?  Hm… Could you hand copy them?  What do you mean that’s personal?  Why does this have to be such a big deal?  Who’s the one asking the questions?  Are we clear now?  Can we move on?  Are you always this difficult?


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