Five Things I want in the End Times…

..by Sarah Palin

5) My moosehide gloves- They keep my hands beautiful and while I’m knife fighting with mutant muslims out there roughin’ it in the end times.

4) The the father of my bastard grandchild- Over all, I still believe abstinence only is the only way for teens.  The father of my bastard grandchild is just so sweet.  He’s an eagle scout and we go camping together. If we were trapped, I could ultimately use him as my food source.

3) A copy of the US constitution- Our country may turn into a fiery orgy of progressives not worth saving, but from now until the day a zombie muslim slowly beats me to death, I love this country!

2)The Bible- When the end times comes and we’re at the mercy of the all powerful god and army of Jesus, I have a feeling the bible will reveal secret codes to reveal meetup points for us Christians just trying to find our way to the pearly gates.

1) Snowmobile- I don’t know if you’ve ever seen my husband when he drinks a six pack of Labatt Blue and rides his snowmobile simultaneously (that’s right, big word) wielding my automatic machine gun collection.  But it is awe-inspiring and is my best bet for surviving the end times.

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