Wanted

I’ve been reading craigslist a lot lately, and I see a lot of people asking for most everything for free.  So to any of my readers, here are some things I want, I can’t pay, but you will get FULL CREDIT for what you do!  Earn industry experience!

1)  Intern- I need somebody to wash my clothes because sometimes I’m busy and forget to.  MUST provide own equipment including washer/dryer and detergent.  Must be able to commute.  THIS IS A PART TIME POSITION.  Will provide meals.  Please send resume and links to previous laundry work.

2) Naked Tattoo Girls- I’m looking for 3 to 4 really hot naked tattoo covered girls to stand around my house and make really sexy faces.  I can’t pay, but if I happen to snap a naked picture of you while I’m walking around the house, I will give it to you on a CD.  Build your portfolio!  Please send links to your portfolio and at least 2 current pictures showing your body.

3) Lawn Work- I need someone to do my lawn work once a week on Sat or Sun.  I’ve got a pretty gnarly lawn, lots of ant hills, some old rusty nails, etc, and I do have a mean dog.  I can’t pay cash, but I can trade you really flattering portraits of you.  I have an online certificate from an INDUSTRY STANDARD drawing website, these pictures will be worth a lot of money.  Please bring your own equipment, mower etc.  Would prefer female, attractive, but willing to work with the chubsters, let me know.

4) Editor- I’ve written a near 3,000 page anthology of biblical erotica I need edited, it’s pretty much chicken scratch, my handwriting is pretty terrible, it’s gonna take a while.  I would do it, but I’m really busy with a pyramid scheme I’m starting.  I can’t pay, but I will give you credit, and when it gets published you will be making bank as editor, I swear.  If sounds like something you would like to do, send me at least 3 links to professional works published and your resume, thanks.

5) Photographer- I’m looking for a photographer who is comfortable taking explicit pictures of me in BDSM gear for my girlfriend who is currently fighting in Iraq.  We used to tie each other up and it would make her really happy if I could send her something for her to remember me by.  The only catch is that I don’t feel comfortable with dudes taking pictures of me naked, so it’d have to be a chick, preferably hot, you might have to wear some of my wife’s old gear, that way we can get a real authentic look in my eyes for the pictures.  I can’t pay by the hour, but I will provide lunch and a 20 dollar gift card to Chilis.  Send me links to your previous work, and a current picture.  I will provide all the bondage gear.  Thanks!

6) Girls! Girls! Girls!  MUSIC VIDEO!  PRIME TIME!-  NEED BOOTY SHAKERS 4 MUSIC VID!!! BIG ARTIST!!! CANT SAY WHO!!! SOME NUDITY WORK WITH INDUSTRY PROFESSIONALS!  GET BIG!  SEND NAKED SAMPLES>>>  WILL PROVIDE LUNCH!!!!

7) Dictation-  I’m 22, and I’d like to publish the first volume of my memoirs.  I’m not good at writing, so I’m looking for someone with years of experience to help me write it.  We’ll kinda just chill at my place and I’ll start talking and you write it down.  Can’t pay, but this book will get big and you will be compensated generously.  I can give you 1 beer a day if you’d like.  Please send links to at least 3 published works and your resume.

8) Guns and Roses Cover Band- It’s my girlfriend’s 19th birthday and she LOVES i mean LOOOOVES guns and roses.  I’m looking for a Guns and Roses cover band that can play a private concert in our home for just the two of us.  No pay, but we will have pizza and plenty of beer.  Must bring own PA!  Professional band a must!  Please send links to your work!  WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE!!!!!!

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