Theater exercises by Dave Patterson, college graduate…

Hello.  I’m Dave Patterson.  I’m 22 years old.  I teach theater where I went to high school just 5 years ago.  Sometimes I think about killing myself, but other times I think about writing theater exercises.  Here you go.

1.  Create an interpretive dance in which one student portrays a disgruntled college graduate and everyone else is the rest of the world and they’re crushing his soul slowly but surely.

2.  Write a minute monologue where you describe everything that pisses you off.

3.  Write a duet that’s a conversation between your future self and your current self.  Encourage yourself to get more ass, drink more, and not major in theater.

4.  Build a giant heart and write your name on it, at the end of class we will all stomp on it.

5.  Write a scene involving imaginary friends because all your real friends have better jobs and don’t live in their hometown.

6.  Write a long list of reasons you should work out, stop smoking, and quit drinking.  Don’t turn it in to me, get drunk and lose it, and continue your life as usual.

7.  Write poetry, chances are it’s bad, publish it on a blog when you get home, but then look at it and be ashamed and delete it.  I’m gonna need evidence it once existed before it was deleted the next morning.

8.  Write a monologue in which you mock and deride all of your coworkers that you have to see everyday, or I guess… your classmates.

9.  Create a set design of what your room will look like when you move back into it when you’re 21.

10.  I don’t care, write something on a piece of paper and hand it in.  Try not to get each other pregnant.  I’ll be in my office.

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