I cancelled my E-Harmony account today

So, I’m hanging out with my girlfriend, so I’m deciding maybe it’s time to take down the old E-Harmony profile.  Looking at it makes me nostalgic.  For all the digital lovers that will never know my binary embrace, here it is:

Name:  Woe Jozney

Age: 32

Occupation: Goat herder/ conceptual artist/ detective novelist/ the list goes on.

Build: Chunky but loveable

Turn ons: Swordplay, Leather, Steampunk, Milk in general, wrinkles (just a little bit of crows feet is cool with me, not like serious grandma wrinkles or anything).

Turn offs: Intellectualism, atheism, rom-coms, french, small dogs, girls who fart, etc…

Top five desert island items: Lost DVDs(ironic right? cuz it’s an island? like my humor?), cigarettes, sweet potato fries, ketchup, some Emerson Lake and Palmer albums (they can count as one).

Dream date:  I take you up to make-out point, but first we get kinda drunk.  On the way there I swerve into a hitchhiker (on accident of course, I’m no murderer).  I convince you that it’s both of our faults and that we need to find a place to bury the body and you’ll never be able to pin it just on me.  So we have to drive out to the desert where we bury the body.  We get lost in the desert and the only thing we can find to eat is some cactus.  Little do we know it’s Peyote, and we start tripping balls.  We have really weird sex where I am a coyote and you are a mayan temple.  Two days later, we wake up at a dentist’s office because we both have somehow managed to destroy our teeth over the course of 48 hrs.  I kiss you gently on the hand and we part ways.

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