Obituaries: Tiffany Smalls

Tiffany Smalls was a nice girl.  She was beautiful, smart, and charming.  She was studying nursing at UT and was doing really well.  One day, her friend was like “look let’s go to this club and hear this new music called dubstep.”  She was like, “I don’t know… I guess I’ll go…”

That was three months ago.  Over the course of three months, listening to dubstep slowly destroyed her body.  Upon testing, we realize dubstep is molecularly identical to AIDS.  She started taking lots of pictures of herself, drinking 4-Loco, and engaging in group sex with super buff dudes who had super fast cars.  The last month all she could whisper from her death bed was, “party…*cough* *cough*…party…wannapartymeetbeef*blehhhhh*” and then she was dead.  If you or someone you know likes to go to the club and listen to dubstep, know the signs, stop it before it happens.

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