Excert from my novel…

The Wind in the Willows as told by Woe Jozney

Mr. Toad awoke the next morning to a curious smell. He felt his pants and realized he had peed himself in his sleep. Oh well, he thought to himself, shit happens. Toad wanted to meet the conductor in case he was a handsome gentleman who would want to make Mr. Toad his lover or adopt him as a child. Mr. Toad worked his way through the cars.

A boy poked his head out, “Hey everyone! That little old lady smells like pee and looks like a toad.” The little boy blew a spitball that hit Mr. Toad in the back of the head. Mr. Toad turned around.

“That’s it. You think that’s funny? Come here.” The boy ran past him and Mr. Toad ran after the little boy. Eventually they came to the end of the cars and Mr. Toad had the little boy trapped. “Wanna know something funny little boy?” Mr. Toad removed his shawl. “I’m a real toad, who talks, who walks, and who has no penis, and who is about to kick your ass.” He dove for the boy but the little boy evaded him. The little boy tripped on a wire and fell over the side of the traincar. Mr. Toad reached his slimy hand out and held the boys hand as he dangled from the side of the car.

“Please Mr. Toad, I’m so sorry about what I said and did. Just don’t let me die. Please, have mercy.”

“Mr. Toad has no mercy.” He let go of the boys hand. He heard the cracking of bones under the train’s wheels. He walked to the conductor’s car and told the conductor what he did.


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