Paul The Oracle Octopus Arrested

Earlier this week, Paul the Octopus, the famous octopus who predicts German soccer games was arrested at a nightclub in Hamburg. Paul had been at the club for some time when a bartender refused to serve him because he was “toasted.” Paul pulled out a gun and shot the bartender in the foot and yelled, “I’m Paul the fucking oracle. I’m a fucking hero, I’m famous. Fuck you, Fuck you and Fuck yall.” He then grabbed a girl with each of his tentacles and attempted to drag them out to his Escalade. Luckily local law enforcement was nearby and apprehended Paul without complication. Paul was released earlier this morning and brought back to his tank. He has been forced to wear sensors on each of his tentacles to determine if he leaves his tank. When asked for comment he said, “Fuck it man, I did what I did. I’m Paul. What you want me to predict next bitches?”

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