Nick Jonas "Talking About Sex" Tape Emerges

On Sunday, an anonymous tipster sent in a shocking video to CNBC featuring Nick Jonas of the Jonas Brothers. In the video, which is shot in night vision, Nick Jonas appears to be inebriated and is mumbling while half asleep on a couch. From what could be made out of the tape, he says something along the lines of “Mannn I can’t believe she is givin me slip man. I thought for sure after I got her those last few drinks she’d be a sure trophy, but no shit man. Not even a fuckin’ blowjob, I’m fucking Nick Jonas. FUCKING NICK JONAS. Anyone got any weed?”
The Jonas Brothers are famous for their virtuous decision to abstain from sex till marriage. They have custom purity rings that probably cost more than your car. When asked for comment Jonas said, “That is probably not me. It looks me, sounds like me, but I have a purity ring, why would I talk about sex?”
Disney has yet to comment on the situation. What will happen if he is getting laid? What will become of the world?
When asked for comment Zac Efron said, “Fuck it man, I fuck bitches all the time. Black, White, Asian, ain’t no thing. Nick Jonas eat a fat one. I’m having the time of my life.”
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