Illuminati Reveals Itself and Confesses to Master Plan

On Wednesday morning, Ali Fedotowski, star of the Bachelorette, spoke on behalf of the Illuminati at a private press conference in New Jersey. Fedotowski said, “Yes, the illuminati is real, it has always been real. There have been many phases in the groups’ plans to control power on the global level. Our latest endeavor, The Bachelorette, has been so successful, we have decided to come public.” She continued, “The goal of the illuminati has been to control the will of the people through a small narrow channel of activity. Most of our attempts have failed in the past, but for the first time, with the Bachelorette, which you can see on ABC weekly, we have succeeded in controlling the feeble, nearly retarded brains of the American people.” The press went into a frenzy and reeled question after question at the young mastermind.

“Is the Bachelor also associated with the illuminati?”

“What other reality television programs are associated with the illuminati?”

“I know that Hal is handsome, but Dave has eyes that are to die for, what does the illuminati think? Steve also has a great sense of humor, what will you do?”
Fedotowski closed by stating that if The Bachelorette reaches a 7th season, 70% of world leaders have agreed to draft a resolution for the creation of a New World Order. When asked for comment, Kim Jong Il of North Korea said simply, “I am really rooting for Dave, but I can understand if she goes with Chris.”

Zac Efron was not available for comment.
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