THIS IS OVER…..NOTTTTTT

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see you there!

@woejozney

xoxo

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One More Thing

1. Gowalla is fucking pointless. Do you really want me to unfollow you on Twitter that bad?

Ten Things

1. If you’re going to be grow a double chin and lose your hair, go ahead and become a career man. The rest of us will not miss you.

2. If you’re NOT over 40, a cowboy, an actor, or on a safari- Don’t wear hats.

3. If you don’t need glasses, don’t wear them. There’s no need for more asshats in the world.

4. Re-tweet, share on Facebook, or whatever my posts. The world will be a better place. ❤

5. Telling other people how much you like them is not the best way to make people like you. Just be cool, if you are, we’ll like you.

6. There’s never enough oral sex in the world. Blowjobs = joy.

7. The line between fun and complete mess is very thin. Let’s all watch our step.

8. Social media is great, but it will never give you a blowjob, tell you it loves you, watch a movie with you, or eat popsicles with you. Just remember that.

9. Smoking pot is cool, but smoking too much pot is not cool.

10. Masturbating to static images is the new black.

@woejozney

xoxo

Avoiding Distractions #2

Sorry about the delay, I’ve been taking my own advice and reading tons of shit about avoiding distractions. I’m talking tons. It always starts with one article, but that’s when you reach for the Archive button and start thinking, “if I gained this many truth bombs from this one article on avoiding distractions, imagine how many truth bombs I could learn if I went through the whole archive.” Right? And they link to so many different things in every post! I’ll bet those links have valuable information on avoiding distraction and optimizing workflow. I’ll bet those other blogs have archives too! There’s just so much information on this stuff out there. It’s so amazing. I love web 2.0!

I’ve spent at least 27 hours in the past two days reading about this shit, you can now consider me an expert on the subject. Maybe I haven’t slept or consumed enough water, but fuck it, let’s get optimized.

Let’s talk efficiency!
Email! email! emailemail

DID I MENTION….

                                     …..EMAIL!


How many times a day do you check your email? One time a day? WRONG ANSWER BRO!
Five times a day? Fucking wrong again asshole.
Three and half times a day?

Congratulations, that’s the magic number. Studies show that people who check their email three and a half times a day are 3.1 times as likely to have three times as much sex, way longer penises, and predicted to make twice money as much as someone who checks their email once a day. How does it work? Don’t ask me. It’s science, and science doesn’t lie.

What’s a half check email? A half check is actually nine page refreshes when your email is already open. Since your email is open and you’re probably just refreshing because you’re bored, you’re obviously not paying attention, which means it doesn’t count. So remember to check your email three times a day and to refresh the page or application eight to nine times, but don’t pay attention when you refresh, it will fuck up your ratio and your penis won’t grow or you won’t end up making twice as much money as Steve from accounting. And you want to make more money than Steve, because he’s the only other handsome 20 something in your office and your worth as a person basically boils down to a comparison of email ratios, penis length, and Xbox skills. You don’t know how many times Steve checks his email so you need to be on your game. This isn’t a joke, the corporate workplace is a fucking jungle. One wrong email ratio a day doesn’t seem like a lot, but multiply that shit out.

Ratio X Emails X Weeks X Months X Years
=
Losing your hair, wearing pleated pants, having a fat wife while Steve is fucking young girls for the rest of his life. Did I mention he drives a brand-spanking-new Mini-Cooper?

Fill your pipeline with that.

Stick around for my social media lunch-i-nar tomorrow.
I’ll talk about Twitter.
Should you be on it? Is it okay to post porn? Am I too old for Twitter? Can my dog have a Twitter?

You don’t want to miss it.

@woejozney

Optimizing Your Life: Avoiding Distractions #1

We all live crazy lives. We have emails to read, round the clock meetings at Red Lobster, some of us even to put food in a child of animal’s mouth on a regular basis. With that much stuff going on, how can we ever find time to focus on what really matters? So you want to read a Tom Clancy book, maybe you want to scrapbook pictures of your child or animal, whatever. You need to focus. You need to be distraction free. My simple tips on avoiding distraction will make you a well oiled machine, not really, you are not a machine, you are human, and nobody will want to touch you if you’re oily. But get my metaphor bro. Here we go.

-The first step towards becoming distraction free is reading about avoiding distractions. That’s why you’re here, that’s why I am writing, that’s why you should probably buy my e-book and subscribe to my RSS feed. A great place to find stuff on avoiding distraction is the internet. The internet has everything you’d ever want on it, except a few out-of-print jazz albums I have been unable to locate. You want to start with blogs, blogs are cool. Just reading this blog might get you started, but there are like 2,000 other blogs that focus on making your life more focused, clutter free, and productive. I read at least 34 posts on optimizing my workflow a day. My workflow is so fucking optimized you have no idea. So take an hour or so to research some other blogs on avoiding distraction, there’s an enormous amount of minimalist literature out there in the tubes. If you want to become a minimalist, you need to read all of it. If you’re not feeling distraction free after an hour of reading blogs, read for another hour, and so on until you feel truly distraction free. Whatever you do, do not google the following terms in between reading blogs: kittens, kittens kissing, cute kittens, puppies hugging, weird girls, girls with kittens, etc…

Come back tomorrow to learn the next step in avoiding distraction. Don’t forget to follow me on twitter @woejozney. I post life-hacking tips all day long, so make sure and check your feed every 15 minutes. You could miss out on the tip that will truly optimize your life.

Be well,

@woejozney.

OMFG

PLEASE STAND BY WHILE I DIGITALLY DETOX THIS WEEK
/
MAYBE DELETE THIS BLOG
\
START A NEW ONE
/
I JUST DON’T KNOW


@woejozney

A Brief and Meaningless Conversation About Social Media #HA

PRd00d: Hey @Marketingdood I love your stuff man!

Marketingd00d: @PRd00d Thanks for the follow, I love your stuff!

PRd00d: No! I love your stuff! RT @Marketingd00d Thanks for the follow, I love your stuff!

Marketingd00d: @PRd00d I love yours more!

PRd00d: @Marketingd00d NO WAY I LOVE YOURS WAY MORE!

Marketingd00d: @PRd00d NO WAY! #MyLoveForYourStuffIsAnOcean!

PRd00d: LOVE ITTTTT RT @Marketingd00d NO WAY! #MyLoveForYourStuffIsAnOcean!

Marketingd00d: @PRd00d I LOVE IT MORE!!!!!

PRd00d: @Marketingd00d Blow eachother by the dumpster behind Starbucks?

Marketingd00d: @PRd00d OF COURSE!

PRd00d: God, I love social media! #HASTAGGGZ

[Then they blew each other by the dumpster behind Starbucks and got social media aids]